Forgiving and letting go of the past!

I recently stumbled upon my older sister's Facebook page and it inspired me to write this. Of course, those who know me know that I don't believe in coincedences. It dawned on me that I had not seen my older sister, Beth, for many years. As I looked at her Facebook page, I had a sense of sadness because I have not seen her nor her family in some time. We were very close at one time. Actually, she was my best friend. I always thought she understood me. Even with all the problems I seemed to get myself into...she understood me in ways other people (even myself at times) did not.
As I read over her page and looked at her family pictures, I then began to look back in retrospect as to why we didn't speak to each other anymore. Yes, I know, somewhere in our past we caused each other emotional pain. Yet, I couldn't pinpoint exactly what specific event led up to us not speaking to each other anymore. There may have been many events that may have surrounded it but the one specific event just does not come to mind. I do know her religious beliefs about homosexuality have hindered her. However, I never really understood how someone's sexuality affected her. For that matter, I am not sure how any ones sexuality affects someone else. Just knowing someone gay does not affect you as a person. I guess it falls down to condemnation. Those who have placed themselves upon pedestals and allowed themselves to believe they can accept or condemn someone else for how they may live their life. Now, I am not saying my sister had done this. I don't believe she condemned me nor could she. I know she loved me and I am sure she still does. Of course, I loved her just as much...still do! Yet, here we sit, many years have passed and we still do not speak to each other.

Most often, fear keeps people separated for many years. We think it is anger. But really, it is fear. I believe this to be the case with my sister and I. I know she is not angry with me as I am not angry with her. It is fear. I believe she fears being hurt again. She also may fear what her Christian friends may think if they knew she associated with her gay brother. For me, I feared being rejected by her again. But then, rejection brings direction. So, I place those fears aside. You see, if it had not been for my sister rejecting me, I would not be where I am today. So, the rejection was not a bad thing. It was a wonderful thing. I didn't know then what I know now. I doubt she knows the impact she has had on my life. Probably because I have not told her.

Setting all the arguments we had and all the pain we have caused each other aside, she has done more for me by letting me go than by holding on to me out of something she may have desired for my life. Again, I know she loved me. And I know her heart.

I remember one day, we were at shopping plaza when she lived the northern part of Columbus and we came upon an elderly woman who was not bathed and appeared to be very poor. She was very frail. Her hair was matted and she had a foul odor to her. Everyone stared and made odd faces when they passed her and they attempted to avoid her like she had a plague. As we were walking store we passed her. My sister stopped, without a second thought, she turned around and approached that woman and asked her if she needed food. The woman said yes and my sister gave her money and then, to my amazement, she gave her a big hug. The woman teared up and went back into the store and bought some food.

Even risking safety, my sister went to a very dangerous part of town so some children could have a Christmas. I probably could tell you story after story how my older sister inspired me. At the time, I didn't realize how she impacted my life. But I do now. Even with what I considered rejection, she impacted who I am today. What I considered rejection turned into direction. My life changed course and I ended up exactly where I needed to be. Even with all the heartache and pain we both suffered, it was meant to be. She experienced things she needed to experience and so did I.

Now, how do we heal past wounds? How can we heal broken relationships? First, we forgive and then we let it go. Let go...and let God! Novelist, E.M. Forester wrote "we must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." We must be willing to let it go. We must be willing to let go of all the hurts and heartache that we think someone else has caused us or those we caused someone else. This helps us to move on to our next experience. This helps us to love others more. This helps us to forgive. Suddenly, we judge others less and love them more. If the relationship is to be mended...God will see that it gets mended. Forgiveness isn't about the other person. It's about you. That is why it is most important you forgive yourself first. If you can't forgive yourself, how are you able to forgive others? Forgiveness releases you. If they choose not to forgive you and they choose to hold onto the past, that is entirely their decision and it does not affect you. Only what you choose or choose not to do, affects you. So, let it go and be willing to forgive.

So, this being said, I truly thank my sister Beth! Even though she may not understand this or even agree with me at this point, I know God used her to set me off on a new course in life. Everything that happened was meant to be in order to provide me with some direction.. She showed me that, no matter what someone looks like or even what they smell like, everyone deserves love and appreciation. No matter what their background is, no matter what life they choose for themselves and no matter what they may or may not have done, people deserve to be loved. No one is a lost cause.

If you have someone in your life who you used to be close with then suddenly, for some reason or another, you stopped speaking to each other, explore where you were and where you are now. Maybe, the separation started you off on a new journey. Maybe, it helped you change course and maybe, it was just meant to be. Whatever the reason, love them, be thankful for the time you had with them and let it go. It doesn't mean it is forever. Life always has a way of working out.

You are loved!
Michael